come back (free writing)

(16th March 2017)all morning, all week in fact I have been thinking about will and the magic of the mind to manifest heart’s desires, and this morning I read a note I wrote a while ago about the Zen Buddhists’ belief in the future tree willing itself into existence, and this immediately brings me to Stuart, a kindred spirit and a true friend, who I have spent a lot of time missing recently, wishing he was here to tell us all what to make and do of/in the crises – nationally and globally, I see the questions on screen I was asked by my colleagues at People United and remember so clearly the answer to the question about what recent lesson I had learned, of course it was Stuart, so often Stuart, 'pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will', the quote he used as a guide through his life, the guidance he gave me on a day when there was so little light, how his lesson led me to People United, my project and subsequently the questionnaire on screen, I can go back again and again to the screen and see the words but no amount of willing can bring Stuart back. I really, really miss him