what has brought me here... (free writing, in motion)

the outcome of an amazing writing retreat We See You Now run by artist Alinah Azadeh and producer Amy Zamarippa Solis (virtually instead of at Seven Sisters in real life as planned)

descending mantra what has brought me here, what has brought me here, what has brought me here, and oh yes, what do I carry, what do I carry, what do I carry

people have brought me here - non physical guides, people I needed to get away from, the dissenters (dementors actually), the encouragers, the teachers, me

looking inward and focusing outward, stopping to speak to my neighbours because we need to as we all think how the heck did we get here

there’s a man using a tree as his opponent, ancient movement connecting with ancient oak (I think) who/what brought him here...

cool relief from green green grass

nature’s minutiae confetti-ing the path

unnoticed vantage points

things out of place, trees that seem to belong elsewhere

evidence of life

camouflaged stone

scents I’d forgotten wafting past me

joy and freedom

interruption

contamination

unwelcome noises

forgetting how my legs work

evidence of wind in the distance, out there where there’s no one

baby steps (forgetting how my legs work again)

the welcome sound of the sea and my feet crunching down to the shoreline

up close and personal with the water

noticing my waistband hugging my belly and thinking oh no no no I’m not having that

enjoying the pressure of the big stones pressing against the soles of my feet, lingering

noticing the white house, number 15, unique apparently, never clapping on a Thursday, blinds always drawn, who are they the people in there

ascending mantra, where did I put my bloody bank card, where did I put my bloody bank card, where is my bloody bank card

humour - might be the something that wants to be told

descending mantra, did I put it in my pocket, did I put it in my pocket, did I put it in my pocket...

a family of gulls flying low, crossing the road bold as you like

...no it seems not

ascending moan, god I’m knackered, bloody hell now I need to call the bank, I still haven’t had my lunch, I shouldn’t have popped into the shop, why don’t I just listen to instructions, god I need to do some exercise

things going wrong, farce, you couldn’t make this shit up (something me and my bestie say way too often)

circles, circular, cycles

assets

losing things

mishaps

cancellings out

messing up

life getting in the way

electronic instructions, then a kindly remote voice sorting out my little problem

being cool, at ease, going with the ungrounded flow

so what am I learning about my writing...

spontaneous embodied thoughts lightly pressed onto the screen

today I want to feel light, although my waistband is whispering, annoyingly,

oh dear oh dear

photos: grateful toes; nature keeping calm and carrying on; signs of life; crispy kale epic fail